← [[f2-c-apx-c|Bull of Canonization of St. Thérèse]] | [[formation-II-c-handbook-toc|Table of Contents]] | [[f2-c-apx-e|Signs of Spiritual Maturity]] → # The Context of Holiness Used with permission. The Battle of Bearing her Emotions The “third period” of Thérèse’s life dawned on December 25, 1886, when God gave her the grace to control her “extreme touchiness” (S. 97). Thérèse said that it was the greatest grace that she had ever received. It restored her strength of soul that she had lost when her mother died. The centrality of Thérèse’s Christmas conversion cannot be overemphasized. It was the event that changed the entire course of her life. It was the moment when she “received the grace of leaving childhood” (S. 98). The Event. On Christmas day, it was a French tradition to fill the shoes of the baby of the family with little gifts. This custom continued in the Martin household until Thérèse was fourteen. When the Martin family returned home after attending midnight mass in 1886, Louis noticed Thérèse’s shoes in front of the fireplace and sighed to Céline, “Thérèse ought to have outgrown all this sort of thing, and I hope this will be the last time.” Céline caught Thérèse’s eye and realized that she had overheard her father’s remark. Aware of Thérèse’s hypersensitivity, Céline followed her upstairs and found Thérèse sitting on her bed, her eyes filled with tears. Céline told her not to go downstairs in this state. Thérèse recounts: “I was no longer the same; Jesus had changed [my] heart. Forcing back my tears, I descended the stairs rapidly; controlling the poundings of my heart, I took my slippers and placed them in front of Papa, and withdrew all the objects joyfully. I had the happy appearance of a Queen. Having regained his own cheerfulness, Papa was laughing; Céline believed it was all a dream! Fortunately, it was a sweet reality; Thérèse had discovered once again the strength of soul which she had lost at the age of four and a half, and she was to preserve it forever. On that night of light began the third period of my life” (S. 98). Here is an account of a teenage girl choosing to control her feelings. A seemingly insignificant event; yet, it was the turning point in Thérèse’s life. God “made me strong and courageous, arming me with His weapons. Since that night I have never been defeated in any combat. The source of my tears was dried up, [and I received] the grace of leaving my childhood, in a word, the grace of my complete conversion” (S. 97-8). Leaving Childhood. What does it mean to leave childhood? What does it mean to become an adult? It means having the strength to not to be ruled by one’s emotions or allowing one’s feelings to dictate one’s choices, and possessing the determination to stand upright in the face of an emotional storm. This was the grace given to Thérèse. Thérèse was not healed of her hypersensitivity. Rather, she was given the strength to deal with it. Her father’s remark deeply hurt Therese, but she received the strength not to give in to her 68 01.24 1-24-2024Appendix D tears. Her feelings were not changed, rather, she was given the strength to control them: “Forcing back my tears [and] controlling the poundings of my heart...” (S. 98). The grace that Thérèse received from “the strong and powerful God” was “the strength of soul which she had lost” (S. 98). God did not remove Thérèse from the battle of her emotions but gave her the fortitude to remain in the battle. “It is God’s will that I fight right up until death” (LC. 38). Pauline testified that “In Carmel [Thérèse] was just as sensitive as others...and found people just as annoying.” When Thérèse was sitting on her bed, her eyes filled with tears, she knew that God had “armed” her to do combat. And when she chose to enter the battle, “the third period” of her life began. “Since that night I have never been defeated in any combat” (S. 97). The Combat. The battle that Thérèse engaged in on December 25, 1886, was the form of all the battles that she would fight. Whether it was the battle to endure her “natural antipathy” toward Sr. Teresa of St. Augustine (S. 222), the courage to face her fears when she was appointed novice mistress, the patience to suffer boredom while listening to Sr. St. Raphael drone on and on delivering spiritual nosegays, the fortitude to work with Sr. Marie of St. Joseph in the linen closet, the capacity to bear up under her father’s mental illness, the grace to deal with her scrupulosity, or the strength to resist being mothered by Pauline and other mother figures in Carmel, the battle was the same. It was the battle of bearing her emotions. Reflect upon your own life, my dear readers. What do we suffer in doing God’s will? Is it not some painful emotion that accompanies our choices? Is it not fear that makes an act of faith harrowing? Is not the sadness of mourning that makes “letting go” difficult? Is not loneliness or emptiness the price of remaining faithful to one’s vows? Is not tediousness and boredom the burden of being dutiful to the daily round? Love and suffering are inseparable. If we are unwilling to suffer, then we cannot love. The grace of her Christmas conversion gave Thérèse the strength to embrace this truth. And it revealed to her that true happiness lies in love. “I felt charity enter into my soul, and the need to forget myself and to please others; since then I’ve always been happy” (S. 99). If we do not understand this truth, then we cannot understand what Thérèse meant when she said that she loved suffering. Thérèse was not in love with pain; she was in love with God. Her love for God expressed itself in her choices to love her neighbor. This demanded that she bear the pain that love entails. By embracing suffering, she experienced the embrace of God. If God is love, then we cannot know God by any other means than love. There is no truth in those who claim that they know God without loving their neighbor (1 Jn 2:4). The Nature of Healing. Freud once said that therapy ends when we are dealing with our problems and they are no longer dealing with us. Thirty-five years ago, when I was a gung-ho undergraduate psychology major, Freud’s viewpoint sounded pessimistic and depressing. Now, as a man in his sixties, who is still struggling with the same fears and neurotic tendencies that I wrestled with in my youth, I see Freud’s perspective as being realistic. For are not our deeply rooted, deeply embedded, and deeply entrenched personality traits chronic, obdurate, and unyielding by definition? Even though I believe that by the grace of God I am not the man I was thirty-five years ago, for I can honestly say that much emotional healing has taken place in my heart. Nevertheless, during 69 times of stress, when my old fears and neurotic compulsions well up within me in all their savage intensity, I feel that nothing has changed. I say to myself, “When will I ever be rid of this fear? Once I could accept the answer “Never” I felt a great weight taken off my shoulders. For I was released from the impossible goal of trying to become someone other than myself. “Working on yourself” can be an insidious mask of self-hate, for it makes you feel that there is something wrong with you until you are “healed.” I have often told people who come to me for spiritual direction to never make it a goal to conquer their faults. Simply ask for the grace to resist the temptation of the moment. Take it for granted that you will always have tendencies toward certain sins and self-destructive behaviors which will always be opportunities to grow in virtue and rely upon the grace of God. “I had no need to grow up” (S. 208). Thérèse did not make it a goal to get beyond the effects of her childhood but to do the will of God in the midst of them. Thérèse understood that the emotional wounds of her childhood were not obstacles to spiritual growth but the context of growing in holiness. Thérèse can help us to refocus our goal in life. She tells us to keep our minds on doing the will of God. If our emotions are transformed in the process, all well and good. Praise God! But if they are not changed, they are the context in which we will grow in God’s love. --- **Source:** Secular Order of Discalced Carmelites, *Formation II Year C: Story of a Soul (The Autobiography of St. Thérèse of Lisieux)* (US National Formation Program, 2024).