> [[tcj-soas-ics-04-b|← Previous]] | [[tcj-soas-ics-toc|TOC]] | [[tcj-soas-ics-04-d|Next →]] # Background and Context – Chapter IV. First Communion, Boarding School Thérèse’s recovery was gradual; emotional stress brought on minor relapses. “I upset her twice,” said Léonie, “in the months immediately following her cure. She fell down and remained stretched out for several minutes each time; she went completely stiff all over, but this passed off of its own accord. On these occasions, however, she did not become delirious or convulsive as she did during her illness.”[^1] A year after her cure, when Thérèse was preparing to make her first holy communion, her sister Marie “explained the way of becoming holy through _fidelity in little things_” (S 117) (italic added), which became an important element of Thérèse’s “little way.” Thérèse’s reception of communion was an experience of profound union with God. “I _felt_ that I was _loved_... _for_ a long time now Jesus and poor little Thérèse _looked at_ and understood each other. That day, it was no longer simply a _look_, it was a fusion; they were no longer two, Thérèse had vanished as a drop of water is lost in the immensity of the ocean” (S 121). One expression of God’s mercy that Thérèse became conscious of as a result of the grace of her first communion was the realization of God’s protective love in her life. “I know that without Him, I could have fallen as low as St. Mary Magdalene... but I also know that Jesus has _forgiven me more_ than _St. Mary Magdalene_ since He forgave me _in advance_ by preventing me from falling” (S 128). Abbé André Combes writes that the grace that Thérèse received at her first communion contained “the germ of the whole Thérèsian revolution.”[^2] The core of the Thérèsian revolution was the recovery of a merciful, loving God in the midst of a land infected by the sternGod of Jansenism. Jansenism emphasized the depravity of human nature and its inclination toward sin. It preached a divine justice that was so stern and exacting, that only a few people could be saved. It taught that sacramental absolution did not forgive sins but only declared them forgiven to the person who already possessed the perfect love of God. Likewise, Jansenism held that it was only the unsullied soul, free of all taint of sin, that could approach the communion rail without the fear of committing a sacrilege. Jansenistic piety was excessively rigid, moralistic and rooted in an image of God as a harsh judge of unyielding justice. It taught that the possibility of committing a mortal sin is an ever constant and present danger. These beliefs gave rise to excessive introspection that was the seed bed and breeding ground of scrupulosity. When Thérèse was making her retreat in preparation for the renewal of her first communion (a year after making her first communion), she was frightened by what Father Domin said in his conferences. The titles of his conferences were hell, judgment, mortal sin, the necessity of making a good confession, and sacrilegious communion. “What Father [Domin] told us was frightening,” wrote Thérèse in her retreat notes. “He spoke about mortal sin, and he described a soul in the state of sin and how much God hated it” (L 226). Thérèse’s fear triggered an agonizing attack of scruples that lasted for eighteen months.”One would have to pass through this martyrdom to understand it well, and for me to express what I suffered for a _year and a half_ would be impossible. All of my most simple thoughts and actions became the cause of trouble for me, and I had relief only when I told them to Marie. This cost me dearly, for I believed I was obliged to tell her the absurd thoughts I had even about her” (S 129). Thérèse was not cured of her scrupulosity when this bout with scruples subsided. Rather her tendency towards scrupulosity persisted throughout her life. The stern God of Jansenism that gave rise to Thérèse’s scruples, which was in stark contrast to the God of merciful love that Thérèse experienced at the time of her first communion, lurked in the shadows of her mind. “Trust in God had become her special characteristic,” testified Pauline. “[But] scruples came to paralyze this impetus, and she was very troubled, too, during her first years in Carmel. This was partly because she had heard it said in some sermons that it was very easy to offend God and to stain one’s purity of conscience. This was a real torment to her.”[^3] Thérèse _believed_ in Merciful Love but did not always _feel_ God’s love. Several months into her bout with scruples (January 1886), Thérèse was removed from the boarding school because her father was concerned about Thérèse having a relapse of her illness. Marie testifies: “[Thérèse] was withdrawn from the boarding school about January 1886. Her sister Céline, who had previously been with her there, had completed her studies in August 1885. Our little sister returned to the Abbey by herself in October. This isolation, in a house where she had already met with her share of suffering, seemed to endanger her health. And besides, she was suffering from scruples. So father thought it would be better to keep her at home and let her finish her studies there.”[^4] Recall Thérèse’s comment: “The five years I spent in school were the saddest in my life, and if I hadn’t had Céline with me, I couldn’t have remained there and would have become sick in a month” (S 81). However, in spite of, or perhaps, because of the social isolation that Thérèse experienced during her school years, she developed a love of reading that nourished her heart as well as her mind. After withdrawing from the boarding school, Thérèse received instructions from a private tutor (Madame Papinau). It was during this time (October 15, 1886) that Marie entered Carmel. Marie’s departure was not as traumatic for Thérèse as Pauline’s departurehad been; nevertheless, it was wrenching. “[Marie was] the only support of my soul... she was indispensable to me... I told my scruples only to her... I loved her so much I couldn’t live without her” (S 133–34). After Marie’s departure, Thérèse had no one on earth to whom she could confide her scruples; so she prayed to her four siblings in heaven. She asked them to intercede for her. Peace was granted. “Soon peace came to inundate my soul with its delightful waves, and I knew then that if I was loved on earth, I was also loved in heaven” (S 139). The grace of her first communion was revived. “I _felt_ that I was _loved_” (S 121). --- [^1]: O’Mahony, _Those Who Knew Her_, 173. [^2]: Abbé André Combes, _The Heart of Saint Thérèse_, trans. a Carmelite nun (New York: P. J. Kennedy and Sons, 1951), 5. [^3]: O’Mahony, _Those Who Knew Her_, 42–43. [^4]:O’Mahony, _Those Who Knew Her_, 89 --- **Source:** [[scriptorium/books-personal/personal-bibliography#^biblio-tcj-soas-ics|Thérèse, *Story of a Soul*]] > [[tcj-soas-ics-04-b|← Previous]] | [[tcj-soas-ics-toc|TOC]] | [[tcj-soas-ics-04-d|Next →]]