> [[355-the-development-of-love|← 355. The Development of Love]] | [[-divine-intimacy-toc|TOC]] | [[357-the-grain-of-mustard-seed|357. The Grain of Mustard Seed →]] --- # 356. The Love of Esteem PRESENCE OF GOD - O my God, sovereign and infinite Good, grant that I may esteem nothing more than You and prefer nothing to You. ## Meditation 1 Our Lord once said to St. Teresa: “Knowest thou what it is to love Mein truth? It is to realize that everything which is not pleasing to Me is a lie” ([[tj-life-ccel-toc|Life]], 40). Without sound of words, the Holy Spirit gives this lesson to every soul that lets itself be formed and purified by Him. The more He enlightens it on the truth of its own misery and that of all creatures, the more the soul remains disinclined toward them; it withdraws all its hope from them and comes truly to esteem God above all things and to prefer Him to everything else. The attitude of this soul becomes very like that of St. Paul, who exclaimed: “I count all things to be but loss for... Jesus Christ, my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things and count them but as dung, that I may gain Christ” (Phil 3,8). The love of esteem which the Holy Spirit pours into the soul through the purifying darkness is so strong that the soul is disposed to accept any sacrifice whatsoever, to confront every obstacle, to undergo every humiliation and suffering that it may win its God. St. John of the Cross says: “The love of esteem which it has for God is so great, even though it may not realize this, and may be in darkness, that it would be glad, not only to suffer in this way, but even to die many times over in order to give Him satisfaction” (DN II, 13,5). Let us note that the soul does not feel nor take pleasure in its own love, this love is not accompanied by enjoyment and sweetness; nevertheless, it is a love so real that it leads the soul effectively to the accomplishment of the most difficult things “if thereby...it might find Him whom it loves” (ibid.). We should also note that it is not a question of impulses, of inoperative desires which immediately give way before concrete opportunities for sacrifice, but, on the contrary, of a strong determination of the will which nothing can shake. Once the soul has understood that a certain action is necessary in order to unite itself to God, it pays no attention to anything, neither to the repugnances of nature, nor to the voice of self-love or egoism, nor to what others might say or think; it plunges headlong with great courage. ## Meditation 2 A further effect of this great love of esteem for God is that “the greatest sufferings and trials of which [the soul] is conscious in this night are the anguished thoughts that it has lost God, and the fears that He has abandoned it” ([[jc-dark-night-toc|J.C. DN]] II, 13,5). Just as it is not concerned about acquiring any possession except the possession of God, neither is the soul concerned about any loss, if it be not the loss of God. Everything can be taken from it: health, riches, honors, esteem, trust, the affection of the most cherished creatures, and these creatures themselves; but never could the soul endure that God should be taken from it, or that it should be prevented from loving Him. Thus have the saints thought and acted. In her immense desire to love God, St. Teresa Margaret Redi declared that she was ready to suffer even the pains of hell to obtain that grace; and to one who asked how she would be able to support such unspeakable torments she replied: “I think that love would render them bearable for me and perhaps even sweet, for of itself love makes all things else seem as naught” (T.M. Sp). That is also what St. Teresa of Jesus thought when she wrote to her daughters these beautiful lines: “Let your desire be to see God; your fear, that you may lose Him; your sorrow, that you are not having fruition of Him; your joy, that He can bring you to Himself” (M, 69). Such is the characteristic of true love: to create but one preoccupation in the soul, one fear, one desire, and one joy,—all of which are concentrated on God alone. If you wish to see how far your love of esteem for God has reached, examine your conduct, and try to discover the ultimate motive of your preoccupations, fears, desires, and joys; if this motive is not God, but creatures, your own interests and satisfaction, you ought to acknowledge humbly that you have not yet succeeded in esteeming God above all things; for you weigh “in the balance against God that which...is at the greatest possible distance from God” (J.C. [[jc-ascent-toc|AS]] I, 5,4). Searching your heart more deeply, you will see that you frequently place on the same plane your will and the will of God, your tastes and His good pleasure, your interests and His glory, your convenience and His service. Furthermore, although in theory you protest that you esteem God above all things, in practice you very often give the preference not to His will, desires, and interests, but to your own, and that is why you fall into so many imperfections. Be convinced that “where there is true love of God, there enters neither love of self nor that of the things of self” ([[jc-dark-night-toc|J.C. DN]] II, 21,10). ## Colloquy “Most amiable Son of God, I confess to You my fault. I know not by what spirit I was led when I allowed my heart, created for You, to be ensnared by affection for creatures and sullied by the profane conversations of earth. I let myself be deceived, not by reality, but by the appearance of a love artfully represented, and I withdrew far from You and from the sweet law of Your true and only love. But now that Your light has drawn me out of my darkness, I renounce all worldly beauty and I choose You, Son of God and of the Blessed Virgin, that I may love You by a pact of eternal love. “Without You, infinite Beauty and Goodness, no creature can possess true good, and outside of You my soul finds no satisfaction. For You have given it so great a capacity and such a hunger for the infinite, that it can neither will nor seek any other good than You. When I consider the earth, and all things, O Son of the Most High, they seem small and imperfect compared with You. [If all the dignities of the world, all created beauties, all the comforts of life were given to me; if I had at my disposal all that is great, honorable, rich, and admirable in the world and could enjoy all these things together for all eternity, I would never change what I have chosen, but I would sing with ardent love: Your Face, O Lord, I seek and I shall seek it forever. “Close my heart, Lord, that no human affection may enter there. Grant that I may not see, nor feel, nor taste, anything created, and may no creature attach itself to me, to the detriment of Your pure love. You alone, O my infinite Good, suffice to fill to the brim all my desires and to satisfy this hunger which tortures me; no other good, not even all other goods combined would be able to satisfy me; rather, after having tasted them all, I would be left dying with hunger, languishing in extreme abandonment, deprived of You" (Ven. John of Jesus Mary). # References J.C. - [[john-of-the-cross-saint|Saint John of the Cross]] AS - [[jc-ascent-toc|Ascent of Mt. Carmel by Saint John of the Cross]] DN - [[jc-dark-night-toc|Dark Night of the Soul by Saint John of the Cross]] Life - [[tj-life-ccel-toc|Life by Saint Teresa of Avila]] T.M. - St. Teresa Margaret of the Heart of Jesus --- ![[bibliography#^biblio-di]] > [[355-the-development-of-love|← 355. The Development of Love]] | [[-divine-intimacy-toc|TOC]] | [[357-the-grain-of-mustard-seed|357. The Grain of Mustard Seed →]]