![[image-christ-crucified.png]] # This Does Not Have a Happy Conclusion. This does not have a happy conclusion. A neat little bow at the end of a homily. This is not where I take a bow. It does not explain away everything. It is not meant to make you feel good. It is meant for those who need someone who understands what hurts us the most. ⸻ My mind wanders. Platitudes fresh in the air. I still do not understand. How does this resolve? My eyes drift and find You on Your Cross. ⸻ When I look at Your hands, and at Your feet, where the nails created holes… my mind goes to a world before sulfa began to exist. A rusty nail could have been all it took. ⸻ An empty Calvary, where the nail fell. Had history been different, these feet would never walk again. Those hands would never heal, or be held. ⸻ That wound in Your side, opened by one last attempt to wound You. Can I hide there? What does it know? ⸻ The suffering that continues, unending, with no feeling of hope. When you fall among broken glass, and every inch of your skin is torn apart. Bleeding. Every breath. Stinging with no relief. When there is no cry deep enough, loud enough, or guttural enough to express the pain you feel. The scars you become. The thoughts you dare not share. ⸻ Where do you send all the anger? Where is my ending, like the Book of Job? What if I receive no new family, no new goats, no new sun breaking through the Night, or after the storm? ⸻ What do you do when there is no road? Because those who followed You there had to crawl. They could not walk. With holes in their feet. With holes in their hands. With their sides torn. With their foreheads crowned with scarlet thorns. Their own Calvary, Their own Nights, Their own Storms. ⸻ What kept them going when there was no feeling, no balm, no bow? ⸻ What is the answer to Suffering? I have none. All I can do is follow You along. --- Listen to the podcast commentary [here](https://assets.alittlepilgrim.org/podcasts/following-god-into-the-broken-glass.m4a).